did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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