im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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