Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
