all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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