I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
