I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
