Well douche your snatch and let's go!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
