the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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