you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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