is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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