Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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