im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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