thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
