Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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