My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
