You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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