Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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