T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
