dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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