she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
