farters have to be the big spoon...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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