wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
