So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
