He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
