I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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