How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
