I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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