sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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