Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
