6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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