So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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