We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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