i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
