We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize