no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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