She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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