i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
