you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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