I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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