I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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