At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
