I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
