hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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