Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
