I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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