There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
