i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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