Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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