he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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