the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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