Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
