I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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