I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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