i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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