**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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