Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
