I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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