so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize