Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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