Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
