My first STD was from a foam party
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
