just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
