it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How does one acquire holy water?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
