Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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