You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
