i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
