Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
