Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
