she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
