I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
