I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
