its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
