Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I would ride that face into the sunset
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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